The Journey

As I sit back and try to reassess my situation with projects, competitions and the thousands of the gimmicks B-schools resort to I can’t help but think about what the journey hence would be like. Yeah, yeah! You mite be saying it goes again, but I can’t help but think about my future. What will I resort to? Will I be able to survive in the corporate jungle? Will I be able to hit it big? Will I be able to meet my expectations? (not to forget the 1million quid car and house on sunset boulevard)……….

So many questions and no answers, but one larger question seems to emerge from this incoherent volley of question. Have I turned into selfish and materialistic monster feeding frenziedly on greed like the people I once despised?……. Well, as much as I hate to admit it, seems so. As my father would put it “You have become more practical now.” But come to think of I never wanted to be practical or rational or successful I wanted to be Me- Nikhil Bagalkotkar and me alone (The same guy who dreamt of being a truck driver as a kid). I don’t like what I’m turning into, even though I realize this is what would help me reach the materialistic goals (the ones necessary to survive in the world) I have set for myself.

You know, a strange thing happens when you try to attach a foreign object to the human body initially the body rejects it outright but with time the boundaries disappear and there is acceptance. The acceptance will go to the extent that with time you will start relying on the once foreign object. So I may compare my situation to that of the turmoil due to the shift in ideologies (exposure to a foreign body), but what makes the matter worse is I know I’m becoming into something I don’t associate with. I hate the feeling of being helpless and resigning the outcomes to fate but as they say some thing you can’t do without.

My father once told me “Scars are not signs of disfigurement but signs of experience and adaptation and no matter how rich you become if you don’t like who you are you will never find happiness”. The two lines seemed totally disconnected and made little sense together but if you look at them closely only then you will be able to imagine the gravity of the thought. What he meant to say was even if you don’t make it big in the world (scars) but you are content with who you are at the end of the day you will have a sound sleep (BTW a sound sleep is the best indicator of happiness, being content with life), while on the other hand even if you make it big, but you are not content with who you are, you will be nothing but a hollow exquisite showpiece (stark ain’t it). The thought of how it would have been if you were not what you are will bother you the rest of your life.

Come to think of it- Its everyone’s individual journey …… and the best part of the journey is there are no milestones or roadmaps or directions …….. The trick lies in establishing harmony within yourself and the colors of life start to look more attractive.

- Innocent Bystander

The most beautifully worded song I ever came across

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly
Before they're forever banned?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

How many years can a mountain exist
Before it's washed to the sea?
Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head,
Pretending he just doesn't see?
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind,
The answer is blowin' in the wind.

Blowin in the Wind – Bob Dylan