Manifestations of the wannabe’s

This article is for all the guys who go around boasting about their pseudo achievements. It all starts in a train in a cozy A.C 3tier compartment of a train bound to Lucknow. Traveling in the train is Mr. X along with me. Little am I aware that these 24 hours on the train are going to be the most trying hours of my life!
The journey starts amid commotion and confusion. We board the train with no confirmed tickets (only on the basis on a RAC). To our delight soon our tickets are confirmed by the T.C. (sounds pretty lucky HUH), a very nice beginning everything seems to be going as planned. As they say the Satan’s layer always looks tempting at the first glance (until you are in it). Mr. X starts with his stories. I will narrate them one by one.
1. Arre Nikhil! Why is the network on our campus so bad? To which I replied there seems to be a problem in the network layout (not knowing what I ‘am getting my self into). But there are larger networks that have scaled better (so far so good). I myself have designed large networks and if you want we can monitor and check the line on the network on campus. I have a lot experience with the networks in my college. I was the only guy on campus who used to handle the whole network and even the teachers from the computer department would come and ask me to solve glitches in the network (seems believable). See the network was organized like this (draws a arbitrary diagram which seems complex but makes little sense)… I think it just might be true and he might be a good at networks. He sets out asking the structure of the campus LAN, after getting a rough structure he does some thing even an idiot who knows little about networks will not do. He says “easy”, joins all the branches and makes a circuit to show, “See now the data can go through any path”. I ‘am turning red now trying to restrain myself from verbally and physically assaulting him after the 20-30 minutes of effort I put in vain.
2. By now I ‘am desperately trying not to start a new conversation. And as always Murphy’s Law comes in “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong in triplicate”. Hey Nikhil ! I was wondering what are the changes we could do to the Indian Railway trains to make them safer (here we go again). I have been allotted a project by the Indian Railways to make the trains safer. Through all this while I have been noticing a few faults , we need to
a. You know the load in the train is imbalanced; we have 6 people on one side and 2 people on the other side with a path way for the remaining part. One improvement could be to have 6 people sleep on both the sides. (I felt like ripping my brain out and switching it off).
b. We need a safety mechanisms for the trains in case of an accident which involves the trains falling into water or something, I was thinking how would it be if we had a safety mechanism that involved the whole boggie being covered up by a huge balloon , that way it would not drown and would act like a huge air bag (similar to the ones in a car). By now I needed a sanity and a hearing check up
c. Then it got better, there are quiet a few exposed metal bars etc. in the compartment, we need to provide some covering on them so that there is no injury incase of an accident. (I don’t know what was he thinking but he seemed to forget trains can’t be make out of bricks and cement neither can they be made out of plastic , foam or fur) .
d. You wouldn’t believe the next thought that occurred to him, he suggested that we should have fire alarms and water sprinkler’s on the ceiling of the train.(I don’t think even God could answer the question of how he would get that much water to make use of the sprinkler not to mention the water pressure)
3. As if that was not enough donkey poop, he continued to emphasize how the railways always listen to him. It seems Mr. X had suggested changes to the Indian railways to in 1998 which involved changing the designs of the Mumbai locals (However here he forgot that he was only 13 years old then, It seems unreal because the Mumbai locals have access to the best consultants in the world and the idea that they would listen to a 13 year old). To push it a step further he said that Indian railways implemented his suggestions and gave him due credit
4. Nothing could prepare me for his next lie. You might also think that I’ am exaggerating, but believe me I’ am not. Mr. X developed a NUCLEAR REACTOR .Yes, That’s Right!!!!! A nuclear reactor. (By now I was feeling like getting off at the next station and drowning my self in the nearest water body).It seems Mr. X was contacted by the scientists to solve a problem, (I know it sounds like the comics but its true) and it seems they left him inside the reactor to find the fault… (I don’t know if this is possible, but sure sounds fake), And no guesses! Mr. X found the fault in the reactor, soon he claims he suggested changes in the reactor and he used sand (that’s right sand => silica) to fix the problem… By now even a person who had a brain the size of a pea could have understood his chain of lies.(that was it I walked to a another seat , even though it might sound rude but I had no choices).

I believe everyone lies sometimes but this guy was a exception… The lied until he sounded like a dumb a**. Well what I inferred from his behavior was that Mr. X had some sort of psychological disorder or maybe he was just too insecure.